Three Times I Loved You
by Em Dixon
Summary: The first time Chizuru loved him, it had been spur of the moment. The second time, she thought it was doomed to fail. The third time, she knew she would go to great lengths to make sure they would always be together. UPDATE: Chizuru x Each of the Guys. Warning: smut inside.
1. Harada: The First

Harada: The First 

Chizuru sighed and rested against the wall, a dirty rag in her hand. Lately, everyone had been so busy, fighting for the things they'd held so dear for so long, and it chafed that she was always left behind with nothing much to contribute. She sighed again, looking at the ceiling.

"At least they're out having fun."

Earlier that evening, Harada, Shinpachi and Heisuke had managed to convince everyone to go out for drinks. They'd even managed to drag Hijikata and Saitou along. Chizuru stifled a laugh as she remembered the way Harada had teased Hijikata, and Souji even joined in, reminding them all of the way things used to be. It was a hard battle, but they'd won out in the end. They'd even invited her, insisting that they couldn't leave her behind, but the truth was just that Chizuru didn't feel up to celebrating anything, even if it meant having fun with some of her closest friends.

The truth was, the longer she stayed with the Shinsengumi, the more Chizuru became aware of just how much she couldn't help them. She wasn't a fighter, she couldn't go out on patrols with them. She couldn't stand next to them in battle. She could barely help out with medical care. A deep sadness started to settle over her heart, but she did her best to fight it off. She would do what she could, even if that just meant keeping their quarters clean and their clothes mended and food ready for them.

Slowly, Chizuru made her way down the empty halls, thinking about how this was the quietest the place had been since they first moved in. She didn't like it. It made her shake to her very core with a fear that her world would always be this quiet, and with hurried steps, Chizuru sought out the cool of the night air to calm her nerves. When she opened the door to the courtyard, a rush of cool air greeted her, and she filled her lungs and purged the bad feelings from her body. She stood for a few minutes, her eyes closed and face turned toward the moon, waiting for the shaking to stop.

"You look like you could use some company."

Chizuru screamed, hand over her heart, as she stumbled backward, dropping the rag she'd been holding. In her rush to get outside and calm her nerves, he hadn't realized the courtyard was occupied. Harada was smiling at her from where he sat under a cherry blossom tree, a bottle of sake next to him.

"I'm sorry," she stumbled, bowing clumsily. "I didn't mean to disturb you. I just…"

Harada silenced her with a warm smile, raising his cup to her before taking a sip.

"Sake tastes so much better when you drink with good company," he said, patting the spot next to him.

Hesitantly, Chizuru moved to sit next to him, doing her best to still her heart. A light breeze ruffled the blossoms, sending petals floating around them. Mostly to distract herself, and partly from a fragment of a childhood memory, Chizuru reached out, trying to grab the tiny blossoms. With a speed she couldn't even imagine, Harada's hand shot out, and his fist closed on a single blossom. When he opened his hand, the blossom was perfect and uncrushed, resting on his palm. He smiled at her, such an unguarded, beautiful smile of peace, and Chizuru couldn't do anything to stop the heat from rushing to her cheeks.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Harada put his hand on her head, something he'd done several time before, but this time, there was something different in the gesture. There was a new weight and tenderness to it that she wasn't expecting. Harada produced another cup and poured sake into it, handing her the cup, and she accepted it with a quiet thank you. They settled into silence.

"I wish I could stop time and just live in this moment," Harada said after a few minutes. "Just…good sake and good company."

Chizuru blushed and tried to look away. She was hardly doing anything worthy of being considered 'good company.' She'd even intruded on his privacy, and he'd probably felt obligated to invite her to sit and stay. She sipped her sake, just for something to do. She tried to pretend that Harada wasn't watching her.

"I thought you were enjoying your time with everyone."

Harada shrugged. "It was more for everyone else. Besides, it doesn't feel right leaving you out. I've gotten so used to having you near me."

He poured more sake into their cups, and Chizuru tried to make herself small. Harada must have thought she was cold, because he scooted closer to her, and she was deeply aware of the heat of his body against her, warming her. Chizuru took a deeper sip of her drink, afraid to let her thoughts wonder too far down impossible roads. He was a member of the Shinsengumi. He had his duty to think about, and the war. There couldn't be room for her, no matter what silly girlish fantasies she could come up with.

"I haven't been able to do anything for you. I'm always getting in the way."

Harada turned slowly toward her, his eyes wide and disbelieving. She shrugged and turned away from him, feeling suddenly very foolish for all of this. She sat down her cup and tried to stand, but Harada grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. He tugged her a little more forcefully than he'd probably intended; she almost fell down on top of him, but his hands were there, steadying her. Their faces were close together, and Harada's cheeks colored slightly. If she hadn't been so close to him, she probably wouldn't have noticed.

"Have…have I ever told you my dream?" he asked quietly. "I've always wanted to settle down, you know? Get married to a woman I love and live a quiet life somewhere."

He loosened his grip at her waist, but still held onto her hand lightly. Chizuru swallowed thickly, not quite sure how she should respond. It was a beautiful dream, something so simple and fulfilling, a dream she'd thought about quite often on her own. It would be nice to settle down away from all the stress and fear of a war, to just be with the ones you loved. It was more than she dared to hope for.

"It's a beautiful dream," she said.

"You think so?"

A cloud passed in front of the moon, but it could never hide Harada's smile. The way he smiled at her then, it stirred some deep longing inside of Chizuru, a remnant from her childhood of a small clinic where she and her husband would work, treating patients of a small town, never turning away anyone, a few children helping with the daily chores. Evenings where she was exhausted, but deeply content.

She smiled at Harada as she stood. "I do."

Admission of her own dream was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't quite make the words come out. Instead, she mentioned how late it was, made an excuse and started to head back inside to go to bed. She must have had more to drink than she'd thought because she nearly lost her balance when she stooped to pick up her cleaning rag.

"Let me help you," Harada said with a slight laugh. He gathered up the sake bottles and the cups and came to her, wrapping his arm around her waist. "We'll support each other, eh?"

They walked in silence through the hallways, Harada guiding her to her room, Chizuru doing her best not to look up at him as he absently began to hum some half remembered tune. It felt too surreal to be true, as if they were the only two people in the whole place. Slowly, Chizuru let herself lean against Harada, and he tightened his arm around her waist. It felt normal. Comfortable.

Too soon, they were in front of her door, and even though she felt more stable, Harada's hand lingered at her waist. When he finally did move, taking a few steps back, she was keenly aware of his warmth moving away from her, and she wrapped her arms around herself. She would not feel sad. She would not.

"Make sure you get some rest," Harada said, his voice quiet. Private. "Would you like some water? I can get it for you."

"No, I wouldn't want to trouble you."

"It wouldn't be any trouble at all." Harada took one step forward. Then another. "Not for you."

She looked up, about to make another small protest, when he leaned down and his lips touched hers. Very gently at first, almost a fleeting thing, but then more insistently. She could feel the weight and the heat of him pressing against her, and something deep in the pit of her stomach stirred, longing to return the touch in an almost desperate way. It almost scared her. Heart pounding in her chest, blood thundering in her ears, Chizuru felt sure that she would faint at any moment. But Harada was there, firm and solid, and all too soon, he seemed to be pulling away, and as he moved back, her body moved on its own, rocking forward, trying to savor every last bit of everything that was him. He was gone for only a few seconds that seemed like forever, his brows furrowed as if he was slightly confused. She stared deep into his eyes, wondering if he was feeling the same torrent of emotion that she was. The tips of her fingers and toes tingled, and she gingerly touched her lips. She blinked slowly, noted the way Harada watched her heaving chest.

When he came toward her again, she was more than ready, taking a half step to meet him. He placed one hand under her chin and the other at her waist, his hands strong and unyielding, and he stepped closer to her, almost pinning her against the door to her room, his hand caressing her jaw. This kiss left no room for doubt in her heart, and there was a great swelling in her chest that was impossible to ignore. In that moment, he owned more of her than it seemed possible to own. Chizuru placed her hands on Harada's chest, trying to steady herself, and when her knees seemed too weak to support her weight, Harada had both hands at her waist, pulling her flush against him. His lips were soft, and she could still faintly taste the sake on them, and she felt intoxicated all over again.

Chizuru sighed against him, and that tiny noise seemed to have broken the spell. Harada's eyes snapped open, and he pulled away suddenly, leaving her breathless and dizzy, her entire body on fire. She tried to bite the inside of her cheeks to keep from smiling, but nothing would stop the color from radiating outward from her heart. There was no way her face wasn't red as the setting sun. At least she wasn't the only one panting and breathless. A small voice in the back of her head said that she shouldn't notice the way Harada's tongue darted out to like his lips, the way he blinked slowly, as if he was trying to compose himself.

"I…" His voice was tight and strained. He shook his head to clear it. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so forward."

Harada turned to leave, and everything inside Chizuru screamed at her to stop him, to call him back. She couldn't let him leave. Not now.

"I wouldn't mind…" Her voice was much louder than she'd expected it to be, and hopefully not to shrill. "That life you described. I wouldn't mind being… For someone like you, I wouldn't mind being a wife and mother."

Harada stopped abruptly, freezing like a statue. "Are you sure?"

"I've dreamt something similar before."

When he turned around, there was relief on Harada's face, and a bright, beautiful smile. This time, there was no hesitation and Chizuru met him halfway, almost flinging herself at him, and his kiss was passionate and almost frenzied, his lips firm against hers, and her legs almost gave out again as he placed his hand at the back of her neck, holding her to him. When she felt him run his tongue gently along her bottom lip, the dam of longing inside her broke, and she clutched him desperately, never wanting this embrace to end, always finding that there was too much space between them. Harada smiled against her lips, and the torrent started again in the pit of her stomach, churning a thousand emotions, many of which made her blush with their passion and desire.

They stumbled backwards, hands groping, hers clumsily, his expertly, sometimes gently, sometimes roughly, always designed to drive her mad. When her back hit the door to her room, Harada pulled away, and the question was there, plainly, on his face. Whatever happened next was her choice.

"Harada…"

He smiled gently at her, his head tilted slightly to the side, and he placed his hand on her cheek. He gently ran his calloused thumb over her lips, and for a moment tears threatened to come to her eyes. Their world was full of turmoil and uncertainty, but even then her time with the Shensengumi had been punctuated with moments of pure happiness. She would always look back on these years, and this moment, and think of the people she loved fondly. The deep swelling in her heart, the longing for him that had made her body tingle, whispered to her a promise that she would not regret opening her heart to him. No matter what happened outside of this night, she would not regret it.

"I want to share your dream," Chizuru said to him. Her voice was strong. She did not waver.

Harada let out a breath she hadn't realized he'd been holding, and the look on his face was pure, beautiful joy, unfettered by the burdens of wars and lives lost and lives that needed protecting. Reaching behind her, hands shaking, Chizuru opened the door to her room. She took one step into it. Then another. Harada's lopsided smile stirred something much lower than her heart, and he looked down the hallways before following her inside and closing the door behind him. They were bathed in the pale light of the moon, making all of the colors muted, but Harada seemed to stand out in her mind as he moved toward her with long graceful strides. He reached up and undid the cord that bound her hair, gently running his fingers through it as it fell about her shoulders.

He smiled at her softly, his eyes more tender than she'd ever seen them before, and feeling bold, Chizuru stepped toward him, standing on the tips of her toes as she reached for him. It was as bold as she'd ever dared to be, and Harada met her halfway, grabbing a fistful of her hair as he tilted her head back. Each kiss had increased in passion, and this one had to be the pinnacle. It was hard to imagine something more intimate than his mouth opening to hers, his hand exploring her waist, seeking out the ties that kept her clothes closed, and this time, when his tongue ran across her lips, she was unable to stop that small moan or keep her knees from buckling. But Harada was there, his hand slipping down to her butt, gripping her and pulling her closer to him. She hadn't even realized he'd undone her belt, and her clothes were slightly open.

She'd been wrong about his kisses. It was possible for them to get more passionate. They trailed from her mouth to her jaw and down her neck, his hot tongue darting out to touch her, her knees getting weaker and weaker.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice a deep rumble in his chest.

Four times she tried to respond, to tell him that it was what she wanted more than anything, and four times her voice failed her, her entire body too overwhelmed to push out what it needed. With one final sweet kiss, Harada pulled back. He looked incredibly disappointed, but he nodded, accepting what he thought was her decision. Chizuru swallowed thickly, nodding frantically as she reached for him, her shirt sliding off her shoulders, and she pulled him back to her.

"Yes," she whispered hoarsely. "Yes. Please. Yes."

Harada chuckled, renewing his kisses with even more passion, sliding his hands inside her shirt, touching her bare skin in a way that made her whimper. She could barely breathe as they sank slowly to the floor, and he nudged the fabric off her shoulder with his nose, gently biting her shoulder. He pulled back to look at her, and Chizuru felt suddenly ashamed of her nakedness, not used to being so exposed. She felt hot under his gaze, blushing past her shoulders as his eyes travelled from her face down the lines of her neck, across her shoulders until he finally stopped at her heaving chest. He licked his lips.

"Would it make you feel better if I had on less?"

He didn't wait for her to answer, and it felt so incredibly wrong to watch him undress. The way his hands moved swiftly and efficiently, the way his muscles honed with hours of spear practice flexed with each movement. She'd seen him without his shirt before, but not like _this_. He crawled forward, gently nudging her to lay back, pulling her pants off and leaving her completely naked. She shivered as his hand trailed lightly up her leg, stopping to grip her hip firmly, his mouth at her neck again, kissing, nipping, quickly making his way lower until he had a nipple in his mouth. Chizuru bit down on her wrist, afraid of making too much noise, not understanding how such a little thing could send lighting down her spine, and she arched into him as he sucked and drew circles with his tongue. Then he switched, and she bucked against him, a tiny spasm taking over, and Harada let out a low growl that sent her mind to forbidden, inappropriate places.

Harada's mind was clearly already in those places, his kisses becoming quick as he made his way ever downward, and she sat up on her elbows, not sure what he was about to do as he buried himself between her legs and she gasped deeply, falling back against the floor as he did things she didn't even know were possible. His tongue dipped inside of her, curling and reaching, touching sensitive places that made her quiver. She took in deep, gasping breaths, but it never was enough, and she bucked against him as he found just the right spot, licking and sucking, and it was becoming harder and harder to keep quiet. He kissed the inside of her thigh, trailing his tongue lightly back to her center, and when she bucked against him, harder than before, releasing a quiet moan, he gripped her hips, pinning her to the floor.

It was like a wave crashing into her, or the tide catching her feet and pulling her further out to sea. It made her dizzy and faint, and she thrashed about as Harada slipped a finger inside her, curling it as if he was beckoning that her to follow him down a forbidden path, and his name came out of her like a whisper, like a prayer. She squeezed her eyes tightly closed and tears poured out as Harada quickened his pace, sensing that she was on the edge of something magnificent, and when the wave finally caught her, she didn't fight it, spreading her arms and letting it take her where it would, fully giving in and following Harada's beckoning, letting him lead her down this beautiful path.

When she could finally open her eyes again, Harada was looking at her with a soft, very satisfied look. He gave her a little lopsided smile, and she resisted the urge to look away. She licked her lips, taking a deep breath as Harada wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and something inside of her came undone. Chizuru reached out to him, and he came to her without hesitation, laying down on top of her, covering her body with his. She ran her hands through his hair and kissed his cheeks as the waves of pleasure receded and her breathing returned to normal. It was too soon for it to be over, though, and hesitantly, she tugged at his pants.

"Chizuru, I—"

She cut him off with a kiss, pressing herself against him, finding that she enjoyed the way he moaned as he rolled his hips into her, and this time, it was her hand in his hair, her kiss desperate. She didn't want this evening to end. She didn't want the others to return, for reality to intrude on this moment. She clutched at his back with her leg thrown over his hip, and he was panting as he thrust his hips against her, and her hands were instantly at his pants again, because she wanted all of him.

"Harada, please…"

Together they rid him of his pants, panting frantically, their bodies tingling with excitement. He slipped a hand between her legs, repeating what he'd done earlier, and this time she was ready for him, rolling her hips to meet him, wanting more of him, always more of him.

"Promise me that you'll tell me if it hurts," he said.

Chizuru nodded, biting her lip, and he slowly slid into her. It was a completely different feeling than she could have imagined. It was uncomfortable and pleasant, exciting and frightening. Harada rubbed slow circles at her hip, and she could see that it was costing him a lot to remain so restrained. She wanted to tell him to let go of his control, to just make her feel as good as he had earlier, to make her feel even better.

"Relax," he whispered, his voice breathy against her neck as he began to move inside of her, in and out, slowly, and almost instantly, her body convulsed, reaching out to him. She ached, but she wanted more, she wanted everything he had to give her, and she whimpered, clawing at his back, begging for him not to stop, and he slowly increased his pace, his breath ragged as her muscles clenched around him.

Twice he tried to whisper her name, but his voice caught in his throat, and his arms quivered. Through a growing haze of pleasure, Chizuru felt a sense of pride and happiness that it was because of her that he'd lost the ability to speak, that because of her, such a strong guy was quivering as if he had been given his first spear. She rolled her hips up to meet his, and that broke him from his spell, and he placed his hands underneath her, tilting her hips as he started to push into her with more force, his fingers digging into her hips. He reached the right place inside her, and she was the one panting and quivering, losing control of her body as her eyes rolled back into her head. Any battle Harada might have been fighting to stifle his own noise was quickly forfeited, and his deep moans only drove her mad. She could feel him convulsing inside of her as her feet tingled, the start of the wave that would carry her away to bliss.

He whispered her name over and over as he leaned forward, bracing himself against the floor with one hand, the other still painfully grabbing her hip as he slammed into her, and she drug her nails down his back to keep from falling upward as that wave crashed into her. Harada kissed her roughly, trying to stifle her loud moans as her pleasure peaked, and then she wasn't sure who was trying to quiet whom, as she felt Harada's muscles twitch under her hands, felt him pulsing inside of her.

It felt like it was over too soon. Harada lay down on his back, scooping Chizuru up and laying her next to him. They lay there in the moonlight, just breathing, and Chizuru curled up closer to Harada, snuggling against him and feeling content. Part of her couldn't believe that she'd done such a thing, and she tried hard not to blush. Harada's light laughter told her that she had failed. He gently brushed a stray hair from her face and kissed her.

"Harada—"

"Sano. Please."

Chizuru smiled openly at him, feeling warm and secure with his arm around his waist.

"Sano…about your dream?"

"If we get married, then we could make both of our dreams come true, right?"

Chizuru nodded, and Harada pulled her closer to him. It was more than she dared hope for, but there should always be room for hope in your heart. She'd heard someone say that once, and she clutched to that hope, now. One day, they would make this dream come true. 

* * *

A/N: First and foremost, all credit for the existence of this goes to the lovely Masayume! She's the one who introduced me to Hakuouki, and with all of her translation work, she's made it so that I can enjoy so much more of this wonderful world and it's characters (check her out on Tumblr under the same name). She's been my cheerleader, and this wouldn't exist without her egging me on.

This is my first time writing Hakuouki, but hopefully not the last, since I have a series of this planned. Crossing my fingers that you all are pleased.


	2. Hijikata: The First

Hijikata: The First 

Chizuru stared at the ceiling of her room, almost begging sleep to come to her, She adjusted the pillow, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get comfortable. The room they gave her in Ezo was by far the most comfortable room she'd had in a long time, and maybe that was the problem. Everything was too new, too comfortable. Still, it was where she needed to be. She'd come too far to balk because the beds were too comfortable. Too many people had given her a mission of her own.

Groaning, she rolled onto her side and looked out of the window. Of course, Hijikata was being as stubborn as possible. He threw himself into work, nearly to the point or exhaustion. He was pale and lines had begun to appear on his face, even when he wasn't frowning. Getting him to remember to eat regularly had been a major victory, and the smile he gave her when they sat down to their first lunch had been the greatest reward. He may have looked as if he'd forgotten how to smile, but it had sent shivers down her spine—good shivers, great shivers—and set off a fluttering in her stomach. He'd even laughed and pushed the food toward her when she hadn't picked up anything of her own.

Chizuru smiled. She couldn't help it. It might have been a week ago, but every time she thought about their lunch, she smiled like a little girl. Happy thoughts in her head, she was about to try for sleep again when there was a noise outside her door, like the shuffling of boots. Instantly, her heart was in her throat, and she reached for her kodachi, next to the bed. As quietly as she could, she crept out of bed and toward the door. She might not be able to do too much to protect herself, but she could at least hold off an intruder. With a deep breath, she yanked the door open and found him standing there, looking worse than he ever had before.

"Hijikata?"

He looked surprised, but that surprise faded quickly, as his eyes roamed over her. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, willing her cheeks not to color. How could she not realize how she looked? She was dressed for bed; her hair was loose and she only had on a thin robe. And she was carrying her kodachi with her hand on the hilt, ready to draw it. She knew she was blushing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Why are you still awake?" Chizuru asked, concern and maybe a little irritation taking over. "You always do this. You always take on everyone's troubles and try to shoulder them on your own. You _need_ to rest."

He stood in front of her, wearing his clothes from the day before, only his hair the slightest bit tousled. Still, he looked sickly, he was so pale, and there were dark purple marks under his eyes. He was smirking at her, but it didn't touch every part of him the way it used to. Her heart broke having to see him like this.

"Hijikata…" her voice was like a whisper. "Please, you have to let me help you."

"You do help me."

He leaned against the doorframe and a tightness settled in the pit of her stomach. He would never be able to fool her.

"You don't let me help you in any meaningful way—"

"What you do is incredibly important to me—"

"Let me stand by your side, Hijikata."

He narrowed his eyes, searching her, and Chizuru realized that she was practically clutching her kodachi. She sat it down, then stood in the doorway, letting him examine her. This was the most confident she'd ever felt. There was no doubt left in her heart, and Hijikata must have seen that. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he needed help.

"I have to see this through to the end," he said, his voice tight and his body starting to shake.

"I know," Chizuru answered. "Let me help you in whatever way I can."

Hijikata smiled weakly and opened his mouth to respond, but a strong spasm took him and he doubled over in pain.

"Hijikata!"

Chizuru did her best to catch him as he fell, her heart thundering, her mind racing, trying to find out what could be wrong. She didn't need to search long. Hijikata's eyes flashed red as his hair turned white. Chizuru gasped, shooting furtive glances down the hallway, checking to make sure it was empty. She didn't hesitate, didn't think as she pulled him inside her room and closed the door quietly behind her. Hijikata collapsed onto the floor, writing in pain.

"No!" he yelled as she reached for her sword.

"We are not doing this!" she said fiercely, stamping her foot. She grabbed the sword and marched back over to him. "Hijikata, please, I don't know how to help you with most things, but I can help you with this."

"Chizuru, I can't let you…"

He was cut off by another spasm, and she moved quicker than she ever had in her life, dropping to her knees beside him and holding him. She cradled his head against her chest.

"Lisen to me, please, Hijikata," she said desperately. "Everyone is worried about you. I've come all this way because I've been entrusted with those concerns."

"Chizuru…"

He trailed off as he struggled to look up at her, his arms barely able to support his weight. Her knees were almost touching his hand, and she could feel him shaking. Slowly, she unsheathed her sword.

"If you carry the hopes and dreams of so many people, you must be strong. Let me be part of your strength. Let me do what I can to help you."

She held her breath as Hijikata struggled to sit up enough to look in her eyes. His face was twisted in pain and his hand was like fire when he placed it on top of hers.

"I cannot ask you to hurt yourself for me. You…" He clenched his teeth as another spasm hit. "I cannot ask this of you."

"You cannot hurt me," she said gently, giving him the brightest smile she could. "And even if you could, I would endure any pain for you."

It was like the clouds parted and the sun came out. Briefly, before he was taken by another spasm, he smiled at her, a smile that finally reached his eyes. He moved his hand, and the moment she was free, Chizuru loosened the neck of her robe, Hijikata's eyes following it down her shoulder. With a deep breath, she slid the blade of her kodachi across her neck. The cut stung bitterly, but she'd meant what she said. She would endure any pain for him.

Hijikata resisted for a second more before grabbing her shoulders, and his mouth was hot on her neck. It was a confusing, exciting feeling, and Chizuru sighed, relaxing into him. It was wonderful to have him so close, to have his hand sliding from her shoulder to her back, pressing her to him. She stifled a moan when he ran his tongue over the cut, grasping at the back of his shirt, certain that she was falling into some pleasurable abyss. It felt so sinful, so improper, yet so wonderful. They were so close that she could feel his chest vibrate as he groaned with relief. He kept pulling her closer and closer, and Chizuru gasped, realizing that he was no longer drinking, just running his tongue along the edges of the cut as it began to heal, his lips pressed against her skin. The shaking was gone, and all that was left was the strength that made everyone follow him.

"Chizuru…"

Hijikata said her name with his mouth against her, and she couldn't help the whimper that escaped. He kissed his way up her neck, leaving her panting, and she wrapped her hand in his hair, pressing him against her, giving him permission to explore more. He whispered her name three more times, trailing kisses until he'd reached the place behind her ear. Sighing, he pulled away, and Chizuru was reaching to stop him from leaving before she even knew what she was doing. Hijikata looked so much better; the dark circles under his eyes were gone, and the color had returned to his face. He looked like his old self again, and she smiled at him, her stomach doing flips when he smiled back.

"I think I must have fallen for you the moment I swore to protect you," he said.

His voice was rough, and he reached out a calloused hand to caress her cheek. He moved his hand over her ear and her eyebrow, then down to her lips before touching her bare shoulder.

"I think you surprised us all."

His eyes lingered on her chest as he fought off a half smile. Her robe had fallen almost completely open, but they'd already shared something so much more than skin, hadn't they? She would have no secrets from him, and she could ask for nothing more.

Chizuru opened her arms to him, and Hijikata came to her, burying his face in her neck.

"Thank you for letting me share in your dream," Chizuru whispered.

She swallowed a moan as he flicked his tongue across her neck before moving away. This time, Chizuru didn't fight the urge to follow him, wrapping her arms around her neck and kissing him. His lips were rough against hers, and he only made a slight noise of surprise before kissing her back, passionately. His kiss was insistent and greedy; his arms circling her waist and pulling her even closer until she was crust against his body again. No matter what, close was never close enough, and a thousand thoughts ran through her mind, so few of them pure. Chizuru broke off the kiss, guiding him back to her neck, and he obliged, chucking softly. She might not have much experience with the subject, but it wasn't hard to follow what felt so amazingly good, and this time, she didn't try to hide her moans and sighs, giving in completely to these new sensations that set the tips of her fingers on fire. Each little noise she made only seemed to encourage Hijikata to kiss and suck and lick more, his chest heaving, and a searing, tingling feeling tore down her spine as he nipped at a spot near the base of her neck, circling his tongue before kissing gently, then sucking.

Gasping with each new sensation, Chizuru raked her nails down his back as Hijikata finally slipped his hands inside her robe, his bare hands on her bare flesh at her waist and her back. He trailed his fingers lightly down her spine, and Chizuru bit her lip, knowing she couldn't make too much noise, and feeling Hijikata smirk with his mouth against her neck. Her mind was too filled with pleasure to think straight, and she couldn't quite figure out how to tell him that she needed more. So much more.

It took a lot of strength to pull away from his exploring hands, especially as his thumbs grazed the underside of her breasts. His every touch was like lighting across her skin. Chizuru looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but love and hunger and appreciation for everything she was. With him, she felt comfortable being bold, and she fully shrugged out of her robe, leaving her completely naked. She didn't blush or feel shame. Hijikata's eyes darted around, trying to take in all of her at once, and Chizuru couldn't help but smile as she stood, the Commander of the Shinsengumi rendered helpless on his knees.

"You…are beautiful," he said, looking up at her.

A slow smile began to spread across his face, one that she'd seen before, one that said his mind was working and planning. Chizuru held her hand out to him, and Hijikata stood, and before he had a chance to do anything, Chizuru kissed him, her hands working quickly at the buttons of his shirt. Her heart was thudding, and she was only a little nervous as she reached the last of the buttons, and Hijikata shrugged out of his shirt, his hands again exploring her, touching every inch of her he could reach. And when her knees buckled, Hijikata reached down and scooped her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Chizuru went red down to her shoulders when he settled her over her bulge, rolling into her slightly. Her body quivered and she bucked against him, her mouth open and her breath coming in quick, short gasps. Chizuru licked her lips and slowly opened her eyes, looking down at Hijikata. He had such a devilish smile, and it sent chills down her spine again, thinking of all the things he could do to her. Thinking of all the things she wanted him to do to her.

Chizuru shifted in Hijikata's arms, trying to rub against him again, and when he realized what she was doing, he laughed, a sound deep in his chest.

"You've always gone after what you wanted, haven't you?"

"I had to."

"And now?"

He was teasing her. Little kisses he placed between her breasts as he walked them back toward her bed, the way he purposely dropped her lower as he walked, the way she'd bounce against him. It was only a few short steps to her bed, but he made the most of it, grinding against her, his hands gripping her tighter, his tongue making slow circles on her sensitive skin, and Chizuru bit down on her wrist as the tension built in the pit of her stomach. She needed some way to release this tension, and when Hijikata set her on the bed, laying on top of her, she didn't hold back as he gripped her thigh, and she bucked against him, searching for him, arching her back as he took her nipple in his mouth. Chizuru whimpered as he sucked, and when he slipped a finger inside of her, it was all she could do not to scream out.

Her body began to shake, and she grabbed fistfuls of the covers, tossing her head from side to side as the shaking intensified. She thought that pressure, the tightness couldn't get any worse, but it kept mounting and mounting, and her eyes watered at Hijikiata swallowed her moans with his mouth. She threw her leg over his hip, twisting and encouraging him deeper, as she grabbed a fistful of his hair again, pouring all of her passion into him.

"More," she whispered between gasping breaths, and when Hijikata didn't move fast enough, Chizuru placed her hand over his, encouraging him deeper and harder, to add a second finger, and when he arched an eyebrow at her, Chizuru knew she was too far gone when she couldn't even find the strength to be embarrassed by her boldness. Her legs quivered uncontrollably and she called out his name, the syllables long and drawn out, the wave crashing over her, her limbs going weak. She collapsed against the bed, her hand on her chest as she struggled to breathe.

Hijikata sat up, panting, taking in all of her, from the top of her head, lingering on her lips and her breasts and her hips. He licked his own lips, and Chizuru smiled, realizing that he was shaking, too, that he had been holding himself back.

"You are always more than I expected," he said, his voice strained. "Always."

He shook his head as if he didn't know what to do with her, and Chizuru couldn't help but laugh, feeling giddy from the rush of emotion, and when Hijikata lay down next to her, she surprised him again by rolling on top of him. Shaking slightly, she settled on top of that bulge, enjoying the way Hijikata grunted as she tried to get comfortable, his hands snapping to her hips and his eyes closing as he pushed into her.

"Woman, you don't know what…"

Any protest was quickly cut off as she tried to do what he'd done to her earlier, grinding her hips against his, and his reaction was almost involuntary, his fingers digging into her hips as he pressed her down, and they both made sounds of desperate wanting and needing. But Hijikata's eyes snapped open first, and he smirked in the same way he used to smirk at the other when they would challenge him. Curious, Chizuru repeated the motion, biting her lip as she ground into him even more this time.

Hijikata surprised her by flipping her effortlessly, dumping her on her back again, him hovering over her, his face playful before becoming serious.

"Chizuru, are—"

She knew what he was going to ask, and she didn't bother letting him finish. She'd known what he meant to her long before she made the trip to Ezo, and had already determined that if there was a way for them to be together, she would work as hard as she could to make that a reality. Instead, she kissed him, pulling him down to her, and Hijikata must have guessed her answer immediately. He kissed from her lips, down to her neck, and continued trailing his kisses lower and lower, taking one nipple, then the other into his mouth. The tension began to build again, and the quivers took over. He had to pry her hand out of his hair so that he could continue exploring her with his mouth, and Chizuru was surprised at how frustrated that made her. Hijikata was so stubborn; she couldn't get enough of that feeling. Hijikata shot her a look as he pinched her hip.

"You're awfully bossy," he said.

Chizuru bit her lip and shrugged slightly. All she had been doing was following what felt the best, and she was about to tell him as much when he slipped a finger inside of her again. After the first time, she was fairly certain it would be impossible for this to feel any better, but the second time was even better. Hijikata was a quick learner, and he watched her intently as he pumped his fingers in and out of her, and Chizuru arched her back, her eyes watering again as everything intensified. He sought out the most sensitive places in her, and he paid them special attention, and it was like whole parts of her body were going numb. She ached for more, and when she began to buck too wildly, Hijikiata pinned her hips down, but this only made each stroke more intense, and his mouth came crashing down on hers to swallow a scream.

"Hush," he said between playful bites at her neck, "or you'll have everyone running to check on you."

Hijikata slowed his pace, and when he pulled his fingers out of her, Chizuru whimpered, knowing she was on the edge of the greatest feeling she'd ever felt before. He gave her one last serious look, and Chizuru nodded, feeling that she was ready. She wanted all of him. He slid into her slowly, his own breath ragged, his hand gripping her thigh almost painfully hard, and Chizuru breathed slowly, trying to relax as much as she could. It was a completely different feeling from what she was expecting; slightly uncomfortable, but highly exciting. He reached some place deep inside of her that she hadn't known existed, right at the core of her where all pleasure existed. Hijikata swallowed thickly, and Chizuru encouraged him to move with her hands at his hips.

And he did.

Slowly at first, in and out, at a pace that was clearly costing him much. His arms shook almost as badly as they had when he was in desperate need of blood, but the look on his face couldn't have been more different. It was hunger, but a different kind of hunger, a ravenous hunger, a hunger for _her_, and when he pushed into her, she could feel her muscles quivering and contracting around him, her legs already beginning to ache. This time it was Hijikata who had to quiet himself, and he buried his face in the bed next to her, moving a little quicker with each stroke, grunting in an almost primal way. Whatever excitement had begun to bleed out in the face of her nervousness came back tenfold as they fell into an easy rhythm, her hands clutching his back, scratching lightly, her leg over his hip, and him thrusting into her, faster and faster, and the tingling was back, so strong that she was losing feeling in the tips of her fingers and her toes, and she was panting and shaking so hard that her back was sore. Hijikata swallowed a moan, nearly choking on it, and she drug her nails down his back, perhaps a little too hard, and he shoved into her in a way that should have been painful, but just hit against the center of her pleasure more than he ever had before, and she arched her back completely into him, only her hips and he shoulders on the bed, her muscles clenching tightly around him.

The feeling was so overwhelming, so powerful, that she couldn't stop the tears, and it was like her body had a mind of its own. She watched Hijikata move above her through a haze of tears and pleasure, felt his powerful back flex beneath her hands, and his thrusts became quicker and quicker, and she knew she would pay for it in the morning, but she just needed all of him, all at once, everywhere inside of her, and Chizuru slid her hands down to his hips, gripping him the way he did her, pulling him into her, not wanting him too far away. She watched the changes come over his face, the way his eyes would slip closed and he'd swallow thickly, the way he'd look at her, slightly unfocused, and smile, and she loved the way the tremors tore through every part of his body, the way his chest heaved, the way his muscles worked, the way he used a hand to explore every part of her, as if he could never get enough, and there, as he reached his hand down to massage her inner thigh, to play with that sensitive spot, she found her peak.

Chizuru threw her head back and squeezed her eyes closed as her voice was stolen from her, and she could only make a quiet gasping sound. She clawed at his back and his arms, sure this time that she was falling, and only he could save her, and her mind floated away to some heavenly paradise where she could feel this wonderful for the rest of her life, and Hijikata would always be by her side.

Hijikata whispered her name as his strokes slowed, and they lay together, the tide receding, panting and sweating and pleased. Chizuru tried to reach out to him and pull him closer, but her arms weren't obeying the weak commands from her brain. Laughing, Hijikata pulled her closer, and she burrowed into him as much as she could.

"You always surprise me," he said, his voice hoarse.

They lay together in the moonlight for a while, and Chizuru yawned, rubbing her eyes.

"You're mine, right?"

She barely heard his whisper, and her pleasure addled mind was slow to process his question. She patted his cheek gently, to let him know that she heard him.

"I've been yours for a long time, now."

He nodded, draping his arm across her hip.

"You're mine, too, right?"

"Yes."

Hijikata's response was quick and strong. She'd barely finished asking before he said yes, and it was comforting. He would always be there to protect her, and she would do her best to be there to protect him.

"You get some sleep now," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"And what about you? You need sleep more than I do."

She pushed herself up on one arm so she could look at him, and Hijikata had the nerve to look surprised. He blushed slightly, then looked away.

"There were a few things I was going to take care of before going to bed."

"Absolutely not! You're going to sleep right now, and I'll know if you leave before morning."

Chizuru gave him her fiercest look, though judging by his reaction, it didn't have the same impact it would have if she'd been fully awake. Hijikata covered his face and chuckled, shaking his head. He pulled her down next to him, and covered them with the blankets, mumbling that he should start calling her the Demon Vice Commander. Chizuru smiled. In the morning, they would have to resume their old roles again, but at least for this night, they'd been able to forget their struggles and worries. Tonight, their only duty was to each other.


	3. Heisuke: The First

Heisuke: The First 

Chizuru rubbed her eyes and did her best to stifle a yawn. The moon was at its peak and the others had long ago assumed she'd returned to bed, but she couldn't abandon her post just yet. Not until she was certain that Heisuke was alright. He slept soundly, his chest rising and falling steadily, his hair back to its normal brown color and no longer white. No sign of the ordeal he'd gone through only days before. He stirred briefly, clutching his pillow tighter before settling down again.

When Chizuru drew her next breath, it was shaky, and the corner of her eyes prickled, the tears threatening to fall again. Shinpachi and Harada said they would sit with him through the first, hardest night, and they had. When they'd emerged in the morning, they'd worn tired, but happy smiles. Heisuke was fine, they'd said. He would be alright. Sannan told them all that he would be tired for a few days, but after that, they almost wouldn't notice any difference. No matter what they said, though, Chizuru couldn't shake the deep fear in her heart. She'd seen him, broken and bloody, heard his strained voice say that he didn't want to die… She'd _seen_ him.

"Chizuru?"

She'd seen him, cradled in Harada's arms, his eyes losing focus…

"Chizuru, what's wrong? What happened?"

Heisuke wrapped his arms around her, and Chizuru started, hesitating only for a moment before burying her face against him, doing her best to stop her tears. His arms were strong, his hands firm on her back, his cheek warm against hers. She was surrounded by everything that was him, and she could feel him against her, alive and strong and _well_. He squeezed her tighter, and the panic receded as she burrowed into his embrace. Here, she would be safe. Here, she would keep him safe.

"I was so worried," she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "I was so worried for you."

"I'm sorry, Chizuru. I didn't mean to make you worry."

His voice was low and sincere, and he squeezed her one more time before holding her at arm's length and smiling at her. It was so soft and warm, like the first rays of sun after a strong summer downpour. She couldn't help but smile back, and when she did, it banished the last of her fears. Heisuke was infectious like that; there was something inside him that always reached out to her, that always made her smile even when her heart was at its saddest. She couldn't bear the thought of never seeing his smile again.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't cry. Ok, Chizuru? I promise I'm not going to leave you."

"You can't promise me that."

Heisuke huffed, as if the idea had never occurred to him. With a slight smile, Chizuru patted his cheek, and started to stand. Now that she was sure he was fine, it would be best if she got to bed. As usual, there would be a lot to do in the morning, and Hijikata would be irritated if she was falling asleep during her chores. She barely felt useful as it was. Besides, the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of Heisuke.

"Chizuru, wait!"

He tugged at her arm, perhaps harder than he'd intended, making her stumble and fall toward him. She held out her arms to brace herself, hoping to land next to Heisuke rather than right in his lap, but he caught her by the waist instead, her legs falling on either side of him. Her cheeks were flaming red, and Chizuru started to consider that maybe he did know just how hard he'd pulled her, which only made her cheeks burn more. When she tried to pull away and make a quick exit, he just held her tighter, his arms fully encircling her waist as he crushed her to him and buried his face in her neck.

"Will you at least let me promise that I won't make you cry?"

"Heisuke…"

Chizuru wrapped her arms around him, holding him close to her. Her heart was thudding, and she was almost positive Heisuke could tell. His mouth was right against her, and a shiver went down her spine when he licked his lips, the tip of his tongue grazing her skin.

"You are the one I fight to protect. I…I could never forgive myself if I made you cry."

"Then promise me," she whispered with her mouth next to his ear, not trusting herself to speak any louder. "Then promise me that you won't make me cry."

She was almost a little sad when he pulled away from her neck, but the bright, loving smile he gave her was worth it. In his eyes was all the old determination and strength that she'd come to associate with the Shinsengumi's youngest captain. He slowly slid his hands up her sides, and the shivers went down her back again, her heart thudding now in anticipation, as he placed his hands gently on her cheeks. She could feel the calluses formed from years of wielding a sword, and a part of her, some desperate cry from the pit of her stomach tried to remind her that he had no control over his promises. That desperate cry of reason tried to tell her that Heisuke could give her all the pretty words in the world, but they were still in a war. There was a chance that he would break his promise.

"You have my word, Yukimura Chizuru." His voice was like a sharp knife that cut through the fear and the doubt in her heart. "On my honor as a captain of the Shinsengumi, I will do everything in my power to never break my promise to you."

"Good," Chizuru whispered as she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

It was gentle at first, his thumb moving across her cheek, then ghosting over her lips. When she sniffled, he placed his hand under her chin and drew her forward. Her eyes fluttered open when his lips touched hers and she sighed against him, the corners of her mouth tugging upward into a smile. It felt improper to acknowledge that she'd thought of this moment many times before. It felt improper to acknowledge that it was nicer than she'd imagined. His lips were firm against hers, insistent, hovering on just this side of restraint. A tingle spread through her body, travelling right down to her fingers, and when she gripped his shoulder, feeling like she was spinning and falling, Heisuke pulled her closer, his kiss quickly losing its restraint.

When he pulled away, Chizuru felt lightheaded and tingly. It wasn't an entirely unpleasant sensation, but she clung onto Heisuke all the same, just in case she might actually float away. His hands absently roamed over her body, gentle, caressing touches along her shoulders, her arms, her waist, her hips. It wasn't until his hands were on her thighs that she remembered she was straddling him, and her cheeks colored again. He laughed lightly before nuzzling her neck.

"You don't have to be embarrassed."

Chizuru opened her mouth to reply when Heisuke did _something_ to her neck. She gasped, arching into him as she gripped his shoulders, and he moved his tongue in slow circles along her pulse, then placed kiss after kiss after burning kiss down her neck until he was nudging her shirt open with his nose and tracing her collarbone with his tongue. His hands were at her waist again, almost too tight as they ground her down and she felt _him_, and she clamped her mouth closed, not wanting to give in to the moan determined to get out. When he kissed her this time, all restraint was gone, as he rolled his hips into her, and she couldn't fight against that moan anymore when he ran his tongue along her lips. She parted her lips for him, slightly at first, but more and more as he tugged at her belt, her top falling completely open.

His hands were instantly exploring her bare skin as she whispered his name with her head thrown back, her hand wound tightly in his hair. Heisuke shifted them, laying her on her back, and hesitantly, her cheeks burning, she began to tug at his belt.

"Chizuru," he said softly, hovering over her, "we don't have to."

"I want to."

Heisuke waited a few moments, and when it seemed like he wasn't going to move, Chizuru gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile and a nod before undoing his belt. He smiled at her, somehow both sweet and devilish, and before she had a chance to question him, his mouth was on her, exploring newly exposed parts of her body. Chizuru whimpered as he took a nipple into his mouth, moving his tongue in circles, and coherent thought left her when he slipped his hand inside her pants, teasing her. He switched to her other nipple, sucking and licking as his finger parted her, and her hips bucked as she bit down on her arm, trying to be as quiet as possible. Heisuke was making it harder to be quiet with every new place he kissed, and Chizuru hadn't the slightest idea that her body could ever be so sensitive. Her breath came in halting gasps as his finger dipped inside of her and he touched a place that sent hot tears falling down her cheeks. She desperately clung onto him, her nails digging into his arm as he increased his pace.

"Aw, now look what I've done," Heisuke said, sounding genuinely remorseful. "I've made you cry again."

He removed his finger, and Chizuru struggled to open her eyes just in time to see him casually put it in his mouth. His eyes never stopped roaming over her in an almost primal, hungry way. His own chest was heaving as a slow, incredibly mischievous smile snaked onto his face. Confused, and brain still halfway turned to jelly, Chizuru pushed herself up on her elbows.

"Got to make sure I don't break my promise."

"Heisuke, what—"

Before she had much time to react, Heisuke removed her pants and buried himself between her legs. Whatever he was doing was making her come _undone_. Never before had Chizuru felt such a wonderful loss of control over her body. She slammed back against the floor, not even feeling the pain of bashing her head as her body arched so much that only her head and hips were touching the floor. There was no way and no time to quiet the moan that escape as she grabbed a fist full of Heisuke's hair, her nails scratching at his scalp, as he licked and sucked and pleasured places she hadn't even known existed before. He was greedy in the way he devoured her, pinning her hips down so that she couldn't move, and she couldn't tell if it was the pleasure making her lightheaded or the quick, hiccupping gasps that weren't giving her enough air.

Just when she thought the feeling couldn't get more intense, Heisuke slipped a finger inside of her again, curling it to reach an even deeper place. Tears poured out of her eyes as her body began to convulse, and Chizuru tried to hide them, afraid that if Heisuke apologized again, her body would shake itself apart. Then the wave hit her like a punch to the stomach, and all she could do was whimper his name again and again and again as he kissed her thighs and her stomach before sitting up and smiling at her, looking incredibly pleased with himself.

It was hard for her to even raise her arms, so Chizuru just laid there, eyes half closed as her breathing slowed, watching Heisuke slowly remove his shirt. She tried not to blush; that would just be silly. But it was very hard not to, with the way that he was slowly removing his shirt, making a show of flexing his muscles. Her breathing quickened again and an excited tingle seated itself slightly lower than her stomach when he went for his pants. When he laid down beside her, completely naked, Chizuru tentatively made the first move. She knew he'd be able to feel her shaking as straddled him, and as he placed his hands on her hips, she was surprised to feel _him_ trembling, too.

"Heisuke…"

She whispered his name as she caressed his cheek, and he closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. He looked so young and content, then, his smile so happy. She sniffled as a deep pain hit her heart, and he slowly opened his eyes to look at her, all of her. His touch was gentle as he ran his hands over her thighs and her hips, slowly moving upward until he was caressing her breasts, moving his thumbs over her nipples. A pleasurable tingle traveled to her core, and her body gave an involuntary jerk. He traced her collarbone to her shoulders, then down her arms until her hands were in his, and he laced their fingers together.

"No tears, now," he said, giving her hands a squeeze before letting go. "Ok?"

Chizuru nodded. Heisuke was right. No matter how much she didn't want to believe it, there would probably be many times for tears in the years to come as the war became more deadly. But tonight, this night, she should be happy. Heisuke was alive, and with him, she'd discovered a pleasure she couldn't even fathom. With him, this night, everything would be perfect.

When she smiled at him again, it was happier, and Heisuke returned the smile as his fingers sought the place that made her brain go numb. Closing her eyes, Chizuru let her head fall back, trying to lose herself in the pleasure, and when her breath was again coming in ragged gasps, her hand in his hair as he lightly bit her nipple, she reached behind her and touched him. She hadn't been expecting the sound Heisuke made, something halfway between choking and a moan, and she did it again, her fingers lightly moving up him until she grazed the tip, and Heisuke gripped her hips as if he were the one afraid of falling, his mouth at her neck, his breath hot against her. Chizuru closed her eyes and licked her lips; how could she be getting so much pleasure from making him feel good? Was this how he'd felt earlier when he made her lose control of her body? Heiuske was breathing heavily, his hands starting to tremble, and when she repeated the gesture a third time, her touch a little more firm, he lost it, whispering her name, his voice deep and needy, his eyes glazed over as he tried to guide her hips toward his.

Slowly, Chizuru pushed against his shoulder until Heisuke was laying flat on his back, and she braced herself against his chest, and together they guided him inside of her. Heisuke was struggling to be still as she slid down, inch by inch, scratching his chest as she whimpered and her eyes started to roll back. This was a completely new feeling, one that promised more intensity than she'd felt before, and Heisuke was beneath her, absolutely panting, and she wiggled her hips, trying to get used to the feel of him inside her. He bucked, pushing deeper inside of her, and before Heisuke had a chance to apologize, Chizuru moved her hips again, wanting him to push inside her again, wanting him to make that jolt of pleasure shoot straight out the top of her head again. She wanted _him_ again.

It didn't take much for Heisuke to pick up on her intentions, and he smirked at her, his hands sliding from her waist to her bottom as he guided her into a rhythm, up and down, up and down, moving in and out of her. His hands were firm as he increased the pace, his own head thrown back as his hips thrust into hers, harder and harder, and there was no way for her to not call out, because this, _this_, was pleasure, as he touched a thousand places inside of her, his hips slamming into hers, their chests heaving as her muscles convulsed around him, and this time it was Heisuke whimpering her name, his voice barely more than a whisper. The pressure and the pleasure built in the pit of her stomach and vaguely, Chizuru wondered if this would be stronger than the last time the wave took her. The thought scared and excited her; would her body even be able to withstand it?

Chizuru had been so lost in what little thought she could have that she didn't realize Heisuke was shifting their positions until he had her on her back, her leg thrown over his shoulder, her hips tilted up to meet his, and every time he thrust into her, it brought a new, thrilling sensation. She gasped, her mouth open, back arched, as he rubbed quick little circles on her center, and the convulsions started again as she clawed at his hip, unsure if she wanted him to stop or keep going, afraid that she wouldn't be able to quiet herself, afraid that she would shake herself to bits, and yet wanting him to make her lose all control again.

Her head felt like it would explode as Heisuke nearly fell on top of her, the muscles of his back flexing beneath her hands as he pushed deeper, deeper, deeper, until she positively squealed, her cheeks crimson because she _should not_ be making such noises. He whispered her name like a prayer as he bit down on her shoulder, his body convulsing on top of hers, her muscles clenching and unclenching around him, and she could feel him pulsing inside of her, and her head swam, because this was it, this was happening, and he cried out as she ripped her nails down his back, his mouth crushing hers as much to stifle her sounds as his own. She wanted to hold him, to keep him close against her, but her body was too weak as the numbness travelled from the tips of her toes all the way to the top of her head, sparing not even an inch of her, passing from her into Heisuke as he finally did collapse on top of her, and they both struggled to catch their breath.

Weakly, Heisuke rolled off of her, and they lay on their backs, staring at the ceiling, satisfied smiles on their faces. Chizuru felt like she should say something, but couldn't think of anything, so she just reached out for him instead. Heisuke took her hand, and it was enough, until they could breathe normally again, to just lie there, side by side, happy and holding hands. After a few minutes, Heisuke yawned, and rolled over, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. He idly ran his fingers through her hair, and Chizuru felt herself melting into him as sleep settled over them like blanket. Some part of her still felt like she should say something, maybe acknowledge what passed between them, but nothing really seemed adequate. Heisuke kissed her forehead again, and Chizuru decided that this was enough. Wrapped in his arms, she felt safe. Wrapped in his arms, there was only her and him, and she could forget what kind of world would be awaiting her when she woke up.

Heisuke yawned again, his touch slowing down. He whispered her name before his breathing evened off and he fell asleep. Chizuru pecked him lightly on the cheek before closing her own eyes, letting sleep take her with a contented smile.


End file.
